Experiments in Health and Wellness

by a Human In Recovery

It’s official, I’m diabetic now

on January 23, 2014

I made a significant change in my life at the end of 2013. I chose to stop living with the person I’ve been in and out of a toxically co-dependent and detrimentally dysfunctional relationship with for almost 18 years. I’m not sure that we won’t wind up together in the long run, but, if so, it is only going to happen if we BOTH focus on our individual healing and growth and IF we are able to create constructive solutions for co-parenting our five year old daughter while living lives separate from each other. If you want to read more about all of that and find out what else is going on in my life, you can visit my primary blog, Human In Recovery.

Complicated? You betcha’! Story of my life.

A significant component of my wellness journey means getting serious about Twelve Step recovery for my codependency and compulsive eating issues. The chronic physical and mental health issues I experience, dysthymia (cyclothymia?) and fibromyalgia, are exacerbated by the codependency and compulsive eating, which have both been lifelong issues. All of it has mish-mashed together within the context of this nearly two decade relationship to grow me into the woman I am today, the good and the not so good. If you want to read more about my recovery processing, you can do so here.

In addition to the emotional and mental health healing and recovery issues, there is the physical healing and recovery that needs to be consistently and constructively addressed. Due to the compulsive over/under eating, emotional eating, and self-harm through eating behaviors I weigh 263.6 lbs (down from 268.8 on January 1st, yay!). Between the episodes of depression, the fibroflares, and a lower back injury, mixed in with sheer mental/emotional laziness/fear about pushing myself physically and the repercussions I always seem to experience, I really not in good health, although it isn’t has bad as it could be. The truth is, my five year old calls all my body parts “poofy”: belly, legs, arms, and face. She isn’t judging me, but she instinctively knows she wants to be “straight” like daddy and not “poofy” like mommy.

The truth is, the weight, fibromyalgia, depression, hypomania, and codependence are all so convoluted and linked together, I know I need professional help in all these areas. However, I haven’t had insurance or access to the mental health or medical care I’ve needed.

The last time I had a primary care physician was 2010. I hadn’t seen a doctor since then – not even an Urgent Care or ER visit.

I’d sort of given up on having insurance or state medical coverage. I’d been in the state’s lottery based wait list for state sponsored medical coverage for awhile. Thanks to the very controvercial ACA, I now have medical coverage and had a new patient appointment a week and a half ago. My doctor called me with the results a couple of days ago, while there’s nothing to panic about, it is definitely time to make self-care and physical health a priority. I am officially diabetic and while my overal cholesterol number is acceptable, the underlying numbers for the LDL & triglycerides is not. Based on other things I experience with the fibromyalgia and mental health issues, I know that changing my dietary habits is going to be critical.

I’ve known for a long time that transitioning to a more Paleo/Atkins like nutritional lifestyle would be optimal for the conditions I experience and the things that need to change for me health wise. Going with raw/fresh veggies, lean protein, and maintaining low-carb/gluten-free nutritional intake will be the best thing I could do for my health, even if I can’t go organic.

It also requires a lot of changes in mindset, planning, organizing, balancing, and commitment ~ all things I have struggled with in the past. That being said, these are also all things I continue to seek out and have been practicing more of in the past year or so. I’ve also built up more of a support network and have actually reached out and made known what is going on and what my needs are for recipes and resources, as well as encouragement and support.

I started doing green smoothies the first week of January and walking 1 – 3 miles a day. Then I got sick with the flu and didn’t eat much for almost a week. During and after the flu I’ve struggled with my compulsive eating and poor food choices. That being said, I’ve already made progress this month. Today I measured my hip area, which includes a significant belly overhang, panniculus to be technical, which is a combination of the dense fatty tissue, but also a symptom of bloated and/or blocked intestines. I’ve lost an inch around there.

I’ve got an appointment with the Diabetic Nurse, they really should provide a different title for her, in a week and a half. In the meantime, I’m starting with the green smoothies again and planning to get back to walking and increasing my physical activity. I’m also seeing a therapist, participating in a couple of face to face educational and support groups, one faith based, one DBT based, participating in daily online Overeater’s Anonymous meetings, and preparing to work with an organization that helps people write through their abuse trauma to achieve healing and recovery.

2014 01 02 Baseline measurments pic collage 2014 01 02 Baseline pic collage


9 responses to “It’s official, I’m diabetic now

  1. Reblogged this on Human In Recovery and commented:

    Time to add physical health and self-care to my process . . .

  2. purplemary54 says:

    At least you know what’s going on with your body. Now you can handle it with knowledge.

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I’m there with you on the trying to take care of total self. Wishing you strength along your journey.

  4. Robyn LaRue says:

    Diabetic and unable to make copayments on the Medicare I do have, so I can understand a bit and give you full empathy. Changes are hard, and Fibro makes it harder. We always feel better the day AFTER we exercise or move, but that doesn’t help the day of when the body is screaming.

    I’ll be cheering you on. Will be good encouragement for me as well since we’re almost in the same boat.

  5. This is an act of self-love, this seeing others and getting diagnoses and taking care of yourself. This is big stuff, especially for someone who is co-dependant…they are usually the last person they take care of. So I am so very happy for you. Coming in armed with medical and other knowledge puts you in a place to firmly shake the foundation of your old self and get on the business of healing and recovering.


    • Paul,
      Your insight is right on the money. When I am actively engaged in the codependency and living with my partner in codependency, it is almost impossible for me to follow through on doing the things I need to do for myself. I get so caught up in his stuff that I wind up shutting down. My doing, not his.

      So, these are huge steps for me to take. However, now that my codependent partner is mostly not around for me to distract and focus on, I’m realizing I have some major internal barriers and resistance to acts of sell-love and self care.



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