Experiments in Health and Wellness

by a Human In Recovery

Wednesday progress report – holding steady with a step back

Walking the 2.8 miles this morning felt more difficult, but I managed to do it in the same amount of time as I did yesterday, 55 minutes.  It just seemed like my calves and hamstrings were stiffer and my knees felt sore and tender on the insides, especially my right one that I had injured over the summer.

My eating was ok, until I was on my way home from the gym, after walking to the gym from work and swimming vigorously for 20 minutes.  I had a red apple with 1-2 oz of cheddar cheese at 9 am, and two servings of Better Oats oatmeal a little after 11.  I didn’t get hungry like I did over the previous two days.  I had resolved not to stop in and get anything from the Safeway deli, but started feeling hungry AND I was experiencing some emotional stress after a brief conversation with my oldest daughter and thinking about the ramifications of that conversation.  So, I stopped in at Taco Bell and got a 5 layer Cheesy Beef Burrito. Oh, wow!  I just checked the nutritional info and, God willing, I won’t make that choice again.  After I got home, I started a soup from a dry mix for dinner.  However, I also made a LOT of popcorn on the stove, using EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) and seasoned it with some seasoning salt and Parmesan Cheese, which I shared with my toddler, but I probably consumed 3 cups of it on my own.  Then I ate a nutty kind of homemade cookie.  Oh yeah, I also ate a couple of bbq potato chips while waiting for the popcorn to pop. Oy veh…

Now, I’m feeling physically bloated and icky.  Mentally and emotionally I can’t believe I did that and am feeling quite frustrated and upset with myself.  Time to step it out and do some prayer and meditation to process this, maybe even log on to the recovery chat room to see if there’s anyone to taverlk to.  This is probably why it’s essential to have a sponsor.

On a positive note, I met a lady at the gym yesterday who told me about an online community called SparkPeople.  It’s a free supportive community for people trying to achieve health goals, like losing weight.  So, I’ve registered and we’ll see how it goes.

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Off to a good start

On Sunday, 12/18/11, I started fitness walking again.  I started off fairly easy.  I walked about 1.4 miles walking in a “circle” on the sidewalks in the neighborhood around my home.  I did it in a little under half an hour.  I was stoked.  I probably could have walked more, but was on a schedule – we’d missed the previous two Sundays at church and I was on the calendar to be with the little ones, so had to make sure I was there.  While at church, I told a few people about my plan to work with TEAM in Training and walk a marathon or half marathon in 2012, and asked that they support me with prayer and accountability.

Yesterday, Monday, 12/19/11, I walked 1.9 miles in the morning in a little under 40 minutes and swam vigorously for 20 minutes after work and walked 1.1 miles home from the gym.  Ended the day by overeating on pizza, but not the way I used to.  Progress, not perfection.

Today, Wednesday, 12/20/11, I actually walked 2.8 miles in 55 min this morning!  Then I walked to the gym from work (.8 mi), swam vigorously for 35 minutes, and walked home the 1.1 mile.  But, boy was I HUNGRY!

I’ve been eating at least one or two pieces of fruit, drinking more water and less sugared drinks, and trying to avoid sugary/salty snacks.  I made sure I had breakfast on Sunday before going to church, but didn’t bring food even though I knew we were going to be gone out and about afterwards.  Ate McDonald’s for lunch – the Chicken Selects.  Yes it was breaded, but I only got the three piece and didn’t up size the order.  For a beverage I filled my cup 3/4 of the way with the unsweetened tea and topped it off with the sweet tea, instead of getting a soda or filling the cup with sweet teas.  Little changes at a time.  For dinner I had put a roast in the crockpot before heading to church, so I ate roast beef and veggies.

Monday, I only ate the apple for breakfast and didn’t take anything else to work with me, so when I left to go to the gym at 1 pm I was already hungry before I got into the pool.  By the time I left the gym I was feeling a bit weak and shaky.  So, when I got a text asking me to bring a 2 ltr of Cherry Dr. Pepper home from Safeway, I stopped at the deli and picked up a couple of pieces of chicken wings.  Only two.  I had put the leftover beef in the crockpot along with some dry soup mix, a can of french onion condensed soup, the beef stock with fat scraped off from the roast, a couple of chopped potatoes, a bag of frozen peas and carrots, and some water.  Apparently, it wasn’t enough water, because it was very thick textured when I got home.  The veggies had completely mushed into the rest of the food.  I wound up adding a few ladles of water and some seasoning salt, since it was kind of bland.  The flavor wasn’t fantastic, but it wasn’t horrible either.  I sent the majority with my son, since the rest of my family refused to eat any.  Since I was extremely hungry by the time I got home from the gym, I actually ate a couple of bowls.  A few hours later I wound up ordering pizza for the rest of my family and wound up eating three pieces of my own and finishing a piece of my toddler’s.  Not my proudest moment.  I did taste the soda, but it tasted like syrupy, cherry flavored cough medicine, ugh.

First thing when I got up this morning, I got a glass of water.  I didn’t finish it, but I drank about 2/3 of it.  I took an apple and a packet of oatmeal to work, along with the remainder of the leftovers of my crockpot creation.  I was hungry all day even after eating the food I’d taken with me to work.  On the way home from the gym I stopped at Safeway again and got a couple of their chicken livers.  Yep, breading again, but livers are nutritious right?  Got home and ate a couple of pieces of reheated pizza, then, again, wound up finishing off the toddler’s piece after she abandoned it.  I really need to stop doing that.  Put legs in the crockpot with barbeque sauce for dinner.  I’m not hungry now.  So, hopefully, I can refrain from eating anymore, since I’m NOT hungry.

In the meantime, while I wait for the information meeting for TEAM to take place in January, I did some research about the event I plan on participating in.  The Portland Rock and Roll half marathon.  I’ve found out I will have to come up with between $115-$135 to register.  Considering the financial straits my family is in, this would be a daunting task and one which would have previously made me decide to give up before I even got started.  This time though, I’m going to trust God to work out the details and I’m just going to keep focusing on increasing my physical activity and improving my nutrition while I work the 12 Steps of Recovery for my compulsive eating issues.

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Starting point

I’m 42 years old and will be turning 43 this year.  I have a three year old who can easily outrun me.  I’m 100 lbs overweight and have constant pain in my lower back and hips.  I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia three different times, a decade apart, starting in 1990, and have struggled with depression my entire adult life.  I’m also a food addict and severe codependent. I don’t sleep well, experience fatigue much of the time, and hardly exercise.  With God’s help, all that is about to change!

As a matter of fact, the change has already begun.  Yesterday, I walked 1.2 miles in about 25 minutes.  My first goal is to walk a 15 minute mile.  My big goal? I’m planning to participate in the Portland Rock ‘n’ Roll half marathon on May 20, 2012 and raise funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through their TEAM in Training program.  So, I have 22 weeks to transition from fat to fit.

I’m a little skeptical with myself about doing this.  After all, how many times have I started an exercise regimen and decided to change my eating in an effort to lose weight and get healthy?  I’ve lost count.  I’ve always started well, that has never been my problem.  The problem is that I have always let life circumstances, other people’s priorities, and my own lack of confidence and sheer laziness get in and take over.  That’s because I’ve only ever tried to do it under my own power and never in relationship with God.  So, the past doesn’t have to define the future and this time can be and will be different.

I’m excited to see what will happen and how my life is about to change.

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